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can't seem to get her mind in her work. She's got a lot of family problems and she thinks her boss won't be flexible about her hours. What do you think . . ." If you go along with the ploy and try to give second-hand advice to the person in need, your advice will be distant and usually off base. Why? Because you have to make too many assumptions without the liberty to ask questions and probe. |
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If all indications say you're talking to the person in need of advice, blow the cover and get to the heart of the matter. "Sherree, are you still having difficulty at home? If so, you can be frank with me, and we'll come up with a way to approach Frank about the flexible hours." Such a probe lets others know it's okay to be straightthat you accept rather than judge them. |
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Tip 666: Share "I Once Did/Thought/Had" stories with those who need feedback but won't ask for it. |
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For example, "You know, I once had the same difficulty with a client in the oil-and-gas industry. For some reason, they considered the delivery terms unacceptable. So I offered to do X if they would do Y. That arrangement seemed to address their concerns, so they went ahead with the deal. Now whenever any client brings that up, I make the X offer again." Such stories have a testimonial ring, show others explicitly how you accomplished the good result, and take the pressure off them to actually follow the advice. Such advice comes across as helpful, not pushy. |
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Tip 667: Remember that the other person has final say about the advice. |
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Watch pushy language and a pushy attitude. Not: "I think you should . . ." "You simply have to . . ." ''That'll never work. What you ought to do is . . ." Try: "Here's an idea. . . ." "What do you think about trying to . . . ?" "Here's an approach that could work. . . ." "Well, here's what I think. . . ." Remember that it's the other person's decision, career, pain, joy, life. |
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Tip 668: Don't offer a money-back guarantee. |
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Not even the most qualified professional advisers guarantee results. Trainers never promise their athletes that if they train eight hours a day, they will win an Olympic medal. Nor do stockbrokers promise their investors that if they buy certain stocks they'll double their money. Can you afford to be more confident? Guard against letting a naive advice seeker take your advice as "gospel" and bank all he or she has emotionally, physically, or spiritually on your feedback. |
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