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travel with the appropriate questions, the right details, and a correct analysis. These guidelines should help you decide how to profit fromor rejectthe advice you receive. |
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Tip 669: Be firm when you don't want advice or feedback; Don't give mixed signals. |
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If you don't want advice, say so firmly, but gently. "Thank you for sharing that experience with me. I'll keep that in mind as I investigate my options." "Thanks for letting me know how you feel. I do think that I'm going to have to follow my own gut on this one, however." Don't ask for "advice" when you really want affirmation. When you state a position in a wistful, hesitant tone or express reservations about a course of action, people often interpret that wavering or hesitancy as indecision. They then offer "help." |
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If you're giving ambiguous messages and do resent interference, be firm: "I have already made my decision. I'd rather not discuss it any longer." Or: "I have the information I need, and I'll be making my decision next week." Others fear you've made the wrong choice; assure them that you'll handle the consequences. |
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Tip 670: Don't telegraph the answer you want. |
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Most people will do their best to tell you what they think you want to hear. That's why it's important to give the other person "permission" to disagree with you, to give you "upsetting" facts, to offer "contradictory" opinions. If you do want unbiased feedback, ask your question or pose your position objectively. "I've just quit my job to set up my own consulting practice. Do you think I can make a go of computer troubleshooting as a consultant in this area?" If the listener has a heart at all, she'll offer encouragement and reaffirm the decision. If you, as advice seeker, want a real opinion, try: ''In this area of the city, how much need do you think there is for a consultant doing computer troubleshooting?" |
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Tip 671: Ask specifically for the kind of advice or feedback you need. |
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Do you want ideas? Insights? Data? Instruction? Reactions? Affirmations? Personal experience? If you include that information when you ask for feedback, you'll save yourself and the other person much time and often hurt feelingsyours and theirs. If you want someone to ask probing questions and double-check your thinking, say so. If you just want moral support for a decision you've already made, say so. |
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