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Tip 841: Blow the other person's cover and ask for serious feedback point-blank. |
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Some people bury their barbs in humor, in double-meanings, in sarcasm, or in innuendo. When you recognize an intent to hurt, identify it and confront the person directly. |
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Examples: "Bob, although you laughed when you said X, I sensed an underlying message. Do you think my work is off target?" "I note a repeated theme in your comments about the X project. Do you have real objections to my plans?" "Your words are teasing, but I detect something more in your tone. Are you angry for some reason?" "Do you have a complaint about my work? Your comments seem to have double meanings.'' "I want to make sure I understood what you just said. I took the comment as a negative statement about my organizational abilities. Is that what you meant?" |
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If you ask such a direct question, be prepared for a denial. Never mind, that's not the point. Your purpose is to call the other person's hand. Such comments force the hostility and/or work problem into the open so you can deal with it. |
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Tip 842: Minimize the contact. |
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If you cannot get your message across because the other person refuses to hear, do whatever it takes to minimize contact with that person. Ask that he or she be transferred to another job. Resign from the committee. Time your errands so you do not pass that person. Write, rather than speak, any messages. Use go-betweens for any necessary interaction. |
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Tip 843: Create a sense of obligation. |
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Feed other people's beliefs that they must depend on youeither because of your job function, because of expertise you have and they need, or because of someone you know who can help or hurt their careers. People who realize they are dependent on you learn to cooperate with a much-improved attitude. |
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Tip 844: Don't collect injustices. |
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After once being hurt, some people keep a defensive mindset forever. For example, you walk into the office on Monday morning and someone asks, "How was your weekend?" You answer "Lousy. I planned to go skiing and it rained." He responds, "Well, don't blame me!" After a conflict has finally erupted and has been settled temporarily, be willing to let the tension unravel. |
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