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Just because praising others comes easily, don't be lulled into thinking all commendations and congratulations are equally effective and welcomed. Praise, just like constructive criticism, takes skillful delivery. And there's a big difference between flattery and praise. |
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For some people, accepting praise can be as difficult as accepting a gift. If you wouldn't consider insulting people who have given you a gift, you wouldn't want to insult them by not accepting their praise. These tips will provide perspective on both the giving and receiving end. |
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Tip 845: Distinguish between praise and flattery. |
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Flattering comments focus on what someone has no control over and did nothing to earn. Praise, on the other hand, focuses on commendable character, performance, or behavior. |
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Flattery: "You're so tall. You strike an imposing figure as a leader." |
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Praise: "You have analyzed our situation well and come up with a unique strategy to build market share. Your plan is highly creative." |
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Phyllis McGinley puts it this way: "Praise is warming and desirable. But it is an earned thing. It has to be deserved, like an honorary degree or a hug from a child." Flattery, on the other hand, can leave people feeling as though they've been patted on the head like children. |
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Tip 846: Notice opportunities to praise. |
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There are many reasons people don't give praise: Others never come up to their standard of performance. Some managers hold the philosophy that punishment works better than praise. Some people are naturally impersonal and distant around others. Still others think they're too busy to notice or comment on "little things." And finally, some people's lack of praise can be attributed to the fact that they're too hard on themselves. They see even stellar performance as routine for themselves. They work, they get a paycheck; they also expect themselves to do good work without verbal pats on the back. Therefore, they take it for granted that others operate under that same principle. |
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You've probably heard the story about the husband married for forty years who had never told his wife he loved her. When she complained, he replied, "I told you I loved you the day we got married; if I change my mind, I'll let you know." Some bosses and coworkers operate under the same philosophy: "You're still working here, aren't you? If you make a mistake, I'll let you know." |
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