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Tip 153: If you must correct someone, do so gently. |
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If you think you must correct someone's statistics or "facts"that they would be glad to know the exact, correct number, name, or locationthen do so with tact. Try these tactful turns: "The actual figure is X; however, your conclusions are exactly right" or "You've interpreted very closely; only one minor correction; the location was Y'' or "It was my understanding that X is the exact figure, but you're so right about Y" or "I read an updated report on that today; the final story is that . . ." |
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Tip 154: Don't make judging other people a hobby. |
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People-watching can be an amusing pastimehow they walk, how they talk, how they dress, how they eat, how they work. But passing on judgments can cast the commentator in a bad light: "Look at her jacket. Browns and taupes have been out of style for at least three years" or "Look at the way he cocks his head to the left when he talks to people. He always comes across as such a know-it-all" or "Her desk looks like a cyclone hits it every weekend. No wonder she's always asking for an extension on her deadlines. She's just plain disorganized." |
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Yes, we all make personal observations about people, but voicing them to others can be habit-forming. |
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Tip 155: Avoid doormat statements. |
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Common routines: "Nothing is wrong, and I don't want to talk about it." (Meaning: "Something is wrong, but I want you to have to wait to know what it is.") "Don't bother about meI'll be okay." (Meaning: "Please consider me.") "I guess I'll have to live with it." (Meaning: "I don't intend to live with it.") Such attempts aim to put the other person in a bind to act; the words say "There's no problem, take no further action," but the tone means "You'd better take some action." So, should listeners keep probing or drop the issue? Either way, they usually lose and resent it. |
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Tip 156: Avoid sour-grapes lines. |
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Do these have a familiar ring? "I don't think I'd accept such an award." "I'm glad it's not me." "I'm glad I wasn't put in that position to say no." "I don't have time for that sort of thing." "Honestly, I'm relieved to have lost that contract." If lying to yourself eases the pain, go ahead. But others will probably smell jealousy. |
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