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take care of first. Attend to these issues before your partner even realizes you're ready to call it quits, and you'll be ahead of the game during legal negotiations up the road. |
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We know that the notion of a pending divorceeven one not yet broached with your spousecan send you into a tailspin. The mere thought of divorce may induce in you a range of emotions, including relief, fear, disappointment, excitement, and dread. After years of frustration, you are finally ready to divest yourself of some old and uncomfortable life choices for a world of new possibilities and, you hope, lower levels of conflict and pain. But no matter what you feel, you must push these emotions aside and take some practical and highly strategic steps before anyone gets the ball rolling: |
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1. Hire a lawyer. Unless you have been married for only a short time, or you have no property or children, hire a lawyer. Even if you and your spouse have worked everything out, or have chosen a mediator, your personal lawyer may tell you about rights you didn't even know you had. Remember, you don't need a Marvin Mitchelson or an F. Lee Bailey, but you should find someone who has handled divorces before, someone you can afford, and someone with whom you feel comfortable. Word of mouth is usually a good way to locate attorneys, but don't go by recommendations alone. Meet a few lawyers before making up your mind. You may have to pay for these consultations, but at least you'll learn a little about the differences in legal style and home in on the qualities you prefer. |
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2. Learn your spouse's annual income. If he or she has a salaried position, or is paid by the hour, the information should be on a recent pay stub. If you can't get your hands on one, last year's tax return should do. If your spouse is self-employed, a tax return may not tell you the full story. Do a little detective work. Does your spouse have a partner? Are you friendly with the partner's spouse? He or she may know about the business and be willing to share what he or she knows over a friendly lunch. Is someone else in the partnership divorced? Make an ally of that partner's former spouse, who will probably be full of information learned from his or her divorce and only too eager to share it. Finally, don't forget that the best source of financial information may be your spouse. If you haven't discussed your plans to divorce with your partner yet, be sure to put it off until after you have managed to obtain as much financial information as possible. One wife we know happened to be enrolled in a course on money management at the time she decided to move ahead with her divorce. But before she informed her husband, she asked him to help her fill out an income disclosure formostensibly her homework. When she later began divorce proceedings, she had the information she needed, in her husband's handwriting, no less. Even if you're not enrolled in a class, requesting such information should be fairly straightforward. Why do you want the details? In this day and age, our financial status is something we must all be on top of. Just tell your partner you feel foolish without a handle on the economic underpinnings of your life. |
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