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understand that there's nothing wrong with them. They are worthwhile and cherished by you. Instead, it is the parent who left who has the problems that must be worked through. |
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Remind your children that the flight of their other parent has nothing to do with themthey bear absolutely no blame. Also remind them that they still possess your undying love, as well as the love and support of other family and friends. Be cautioned that it is unfair to give the children hope that someday their parent may return. |
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As the remaining parent, it is also your job to be on the lookout for the psychological side effects of abandonment. Your children may very well experience strong feelings of rejection, a longing for the departed parent, and eventually anger. If there are any signs of depression after a three-month period, consult a psychologist. |
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The Least You Need to Know |
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Telling your children that your marriage is ending is difficult, but not insurmountable. If you and your spouse can manage to share this task, your children will benefit. Because children fear abandonment, the most important thing to stress is that, even though their parents are ending their marriage, Mom and Dad will always be there for them. |
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Trust can be achieved by being as open and honest with your children as is appropriate for their age. |
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Your children's sense of security will be enhanced if you and your spouse can assure them of a continued relationship with both parents. |
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Try to work out the children's future living arrangements before you announce your plans to separate or divorce. Tell the children about these plans when you announce the divorce itself. |
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Helping your children handle their grief, anger, and feelings of rejection is going to be your most important job in the coming months. Unfortunately, being a parent means that you will have to help your children while you are working out the very same feelings yourself. If you are overwhelmed, seek professional help during this crisis period. |
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Actual abandonment by one parent is a difficult scenario for children. Do what you can to prevent it, but if that's not possible, assure your children of your love for them. |
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