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To co-parent successfully, a positive attitude on your part is a must. If you see your ex as your children's parent, rather than as your archenemy, you stand a better chance of making co-parenting work. |
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For example, don't criticize the parenting skills of the other parent. Seven-year-old Melissa's father never failed to comment about how wrinkled her clothes were and how messy her hair was when he picked her up from her mother's home. These negative comments about her mom's parenting skills always got the weekend with her dad off to a bad start. |
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Don't focus on every negative comment your children make about the other parent when they're with you. Check your attitude: Do you secretly relish these comments because you can't stand your ex and hope your kids support your view? Are you in competition with your ex for the kids' loyalty? Unless your children are saying something very disturbing about the other parent (physical or mental abuse, alcohol or drug abuse), any negative comments your children might make are often best taken with a grain of salt. Don't blow such comments out of proportion, and remember, your children will resent and distrust you if you cheer them on. |
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On the other hand, be realistic. Don't overcompensate for your negative feelings toward your ex by bending over backwards to paint him or her as perfect. Nothing in life is all good or all bad, so how could it be for your children's experience at either home? Children should understand that there will be fun times and boring times, happy times and angry times, at either home. In any case, portraying your ex as all good will have a false ring to your kids. (If you like my dad/mom so much, why did you two split up?) |
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