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Even If You Fear You'll Never Get Over It, You Will Move On |
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For some people, the feeling of rejection experienced in the aftermath of divorce is simply overpowering. It goes without saying, of course, that some people simply recover more quickly than others. But if you are still suffering mightily by the time the papers are signed, you are in need of professional help. |
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As you look into your feelings with the help of a professional, states psychologist Mitchell Baris, you may even find that the problem is deeper than the divorce itself. Perhaps you are unable to recover because of a particularly difficult experience during childhood. Perhaps there is a long-standing reason, unrelated to your marriage, for your sense of failure and low self-esteem. If so, take this opportunity to learn about yourself. You deserve it! And besides, through such insight you will succeed at marriage the second time around. |
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Our friend Shanna had spent five years away from her family in her hometown of Binghamton, New York. Her mission: Pleasing an irascible, critical husbanda professor of business at Harvard, no lesswho found fault with her eating habits and reading habits, her clothes and her weight, her philosophy of life and her friends. Fortunately for Shanna, she had no children, and after a year of therapy, she felt ready to sever the bond. |
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For six months after her divorce was finalized, Shanna lived in a studio apartment near the Charles River. For furniture, she used cardboard chests from Woolworth's. Her bed was a cot, picked up on sale from Sears. Art on the wall included a single cartoon: The picture of an Earth man, surrounded by aliens, in a bar in some godforsaken section of the cosmos. The caption: When I've made it, I'll go back to Earth. |
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To Shanna, that said it all. She couldn't help feelings of anger, even rage, at her ex. At the same time, she felt a twinge of guilt: Her husband couldn't help his nature, and he had been truly devastated when she walked out. |
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Shanna did, eventually, move back to Binghamton, New York, but not before she had bolstered her emotional resources. She had many issues to deal with in the aftermath of her divorce, and it took months before she was able, in the truest sense of the word, to return to the Singles group to which she now belonged. |
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