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Discretionary Acts: Dating and Divorce |
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As you continue to plan strategically for your divorce in these early stages, you will need to consider the impact dating will have during your day in court. Just because you are divorcing, you do not have to be a hermit, unless your attorney tells you otherwise. Usually, discretion is the key. For example, never have a friend of the opposite sex sleep at your home or spend time alone with you in your bedroom while the children are home if your divorce is not yet final. Similarly, if you are claiming that your spouse was unfaithful, and it is important to your case that you have been faithful, do not become involved with anyone until the divorce is final. |
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Even if your lawyer tells you it's okay to date, avoid going places where you may run into your spouse. In one case, a husband took his new girlfriend to his wife's favorite restaurant. (She found out when the credit card charges came through.) She was furious and refused to cooperate in settling the case. |
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Don't bring the children along on a date and don't introduce them to your friend. Unless your case is over or it has been dragging on for many years, it's too soon for the children, and it will only make your spouse mad. (You can be sure that your kids will give your spouse a full report.) |
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Sleuthing: Hiring a Private Investigator |
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You may feel that you want to do some digging in a host of personal realms. Perhaps you suspect that your spouse is having an affair, and you want the goods on him or her. Should you hire a private eye? |
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The days when you needed compromising pictures of your spouse in the arms of another have long passed. In all states, you can get a divorce on grounds other than adultery. Still, there are people, and you may be one of them, who firmly believe that if you could catch your spouse in the act, he or she would cave in and give you an enormous settlement rather than risk disclosure of the infidelity. |
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In our opinion, this plan works well on television and in the movies, but not in real life. Sometimes the two-timing spouse is relieved to have his or her relationship out in the open; other times he or she just doesn't care. Paying a private eye, at a hefty hourly rate, usually is not worth it. |
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