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on your children. When you divorce, what ramifications will reverberate through your life and the life of your family? Will you have enough money to sustain your lifestyle, including such details as trips to the movies, piano lessons, or the weekly ritual of takeout Chinese food? Are you ready to leave the family house for a tiny apartment? Are you ready to divide the Impressionist paintings you've collected over the last 20 years, or your mint collection of rock n roll singles, or the living room set you bought from the furniture master in Milan? |
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The answers, for many, may be straightforward: The emotional relationship with their spouse is largely negative, for one or more of the reasons listed previously. Why, otherwise, would divorce be in the air? |
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Nonetheless, there are sometimes positives that couples in conflict can miss. For instance, if you have a child, have you considered how difficult it might be to have total responsibility, on the one hand, or restricted visitation on the other? Will you miss your in-laws? Friends who may have to choose your spouse over you? Or neighbors you may have to leave? Have you considered the stress of the singles scene? And perhaps most important, will you be relieved or paralyzed by the state of solitude you may be subject to, day in and day out, once you and your partner have split? |
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Do take some time to consider your lossesand generally, there are sure to be somebefore you set your decision to divorce in stone. |
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When the Need for Divorce Is Urgent. |
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We end this chapter with one final caveat: Every so often, the decision to divorce is mandatory. In instances of spousal or child abuse (mental or physical)in fact, whenever your safety is in jeopardyseparation is not something you have the luxury of mulling over, unless you are a masochist. Of course, one must never make a decision to divorce in anger; the decision is an important as the decision to marry and should not be made impulsively. However, if your life, limb, and sanity are threatened, it's important to make a quick and abrupt break. If you are in danger, do not wait to organize your finances, collect your valuables, or even see a lawyer before you leave. Just get out. |
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One woman we know had been abused for years when, in the aftermath of one final, brutalizing battle, she phoned her oldest friend and one-time college roommate. The |
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