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ble focusing on specific solutions. You might say, "The grocery store with the most items doesn't necessarily stock gourmet food. I think it's time to stop generating suggestions and start evaluating what we've got." |
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If your group gets hung up on "who won't like it," try: "Not everyone voted for Abraham Lincoln. I think people who don't now support what we're doing will come around when they see X happen." |
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If the team argues all the pros and cons and never seems to come to a decision, try: "I'd rather buy a tight pair of shoes than hike the mountain barefoot. Maybe the decision isn't perfect, but let's move on something. We can always make adjustments down the road." |
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Recapping the problem in such a succinct, picturesque way makes a strong point. |
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Tip 344: Don't aim to "Outargue" them. |
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As my mother used to say, even if you argue "until you're blue in the face," you will lose if you make the other person feel outdone. You can outtalk, outsmart, outreason, but still fail to gain agreement if the other person doesn't feel good about the decision in the long run. The best approach is to present your point accurately, enthusiastically, and sincerely. Then listen. Know when to be flexible and offer a compromise. Even if you smell blood, don't go for the kill. |
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Tip 345: When someone pushes, don't push back. |
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Opposition spawns opposition. If you don't believe it, ask a partner to stand face to face with you and align yourselves open palm to open palm. Push gently. You'll notice how the partner pushes back. Push harder. You'll notice the partner increase pressure as you do. |
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The same principle is at work in persuasion. The harder you push, the harder someone pushes back. So, to neutralize an emotional exchange, as soon as you feel the other side become agitated, let up the pressure. You can even come around to the other side of the table. "Okay, let me stop here and summarize where we are. If I understand you clearly, you think the decision is a bad one for three reasons. First, the X won't work. . . ." Once you stand on the other person's side of the table and take up his or her side, that person becomes neutral again. The pushing stops. You may even want to ask the other side to summarize your key points "for clarity's sake." |
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The idea is to neutralize the emotional conflict long enough for logic to take its courseshould logic be on your side. |
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