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If you catch yourself interrupting someone with, "I know just what you mean. . . . Yesterday, the same thing . . ." be careful. |
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Tip 455: Decide when not to listen reflectively. |
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Just because somebody talks to you does not mean it's in his or her best interest or yours to listen reflectively. If a speaker is so eager to get out his or her story that he or she doesn't stop for your paraphrases, then your doing so would be an interruption. If the speaker just wants to vent emotions, you may choose not to listen and not to paraphrase abusive comments to you. If speakers have difficulty expressing themselves, to paraphrase might interrupt their thoughts and they might begin to let you "talk for them." If the speaker is simply passing along information, there's no reason to paraphrase unless you yourself want to verify what you heard for accuracy sake. Finally, small talk requires only a small-talk response. |
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Make reflective listening a conscious choice, depending on the circumstances. |
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Tip 456: Eliminate physical and psychological noise. |
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Taking calls on my kitchen telephone presents a number of challenges: The washer and dryer from the nearby laundry room. The dishwasher in mid-cycle. The TV in the adjoining family room. The radio through the intercom. And a conversation left in midsentence with a husband using sign language to finish. These background noises and concerns prevent my hearing clearly when I use that phone. |
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The problem is that background noises we've become accustomed to prevent our hearing, and we're not even aware of them sometimes. In the workplace, we have printer noise, music over the intercom, coworker conversations, and ringing phones. We don't realize how much all this noise affects our concentration. If you want a comparison of what you can accomplish without all that noise, try staying after hours or arriving early before the noise starts. Compare your concentration with that during peak noise hours. |
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Tip 457: Make up for the listening-talking differential. |
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According to various researchers, we can listen about four to six times faster than we talk. Therefore, when someone talks to youeither formally in a presentation or in casual conversationyour mind may dawdle along the way and not miss muchor miss a great deal. The difference has to do with what you do with that extra time. If you're not careful, you can use that |
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