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Tip 564: Decide what apologizing means in any given situation. |
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In a communication workshop for a corporate client, a participant made this comment: "We never apologize in this company." He went on to explain that the company lawyers adamantly refused to allow any individual representative to write a letter to a customer in a "sticky" situation without having the legal department review the letter. From this company's perspective, apologizing meant accepting liability for whatever the situation or outcome. |
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To some people, on the other hand, apologizing means simply: "I'm sorry there's a problem." They apologize profusely only to avoid more serious difficulties or to win favor because it's expected. Others think apologizing means assuming an inferior position, and find that hard to do. |
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According to the dictionary, apologizing means an expression of regret for some fault, failure, insult, injury, or outcome, but it does not mean accepting responsibility for an outcome or failure. |
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Therefore, you can choose to attach either significance to any particular situationfrom expressing liability to avoiding it. |
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Tip 565: Apologize specifically. |
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The most frequent cliché in apologies is the blanket statement: "I'm sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused you." That comment only makes angry people angrier. "For any inconvenience" implies that the speaker hasn't given any thought to how the person might have been inconvenienced. The choice of the word "inconvenience" implies that it was "no big deal." ''This may have caused you" implies that the situation may have caused no problem at all. In other words, translate the sentence this way, "I don't know or care how my actions could have inconvenienced you, but if they did, here's a blanket 'I'm sorry.' " |
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Instead of that blanket, inappropriate wording, be specific. Let the person know that you understand either the difficulty of the situation or the hurt caused by your actions or words. "I'm sorry for the delay in responding to your call; I know you were in a hurry for the information." "I'm sorry the package didn't arrive until Friday. I know we had promised you'd have it by Wednesday, and because of our late shipment, your own customer orders have been delayed." "I regret your having to make three long-distance calls to track down the information." "I failed to notify you of the additional charge. You're right, I should have done so. I apologize for that." "You were expecting a complete report today, and now without it, you'll be delayed in making the final committee decision. I'm sorry the report is still incomplete." Such statements may or may not accept responsibility, but they do let the other person know you are aware and concerned about the outcome. |
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