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elicit new accusations about the problem and escalate the whole affair. Own up to the insensitivity or the behavior without excusing what you said or did: "You're right. I have been late to the meetings for the last several weeks. Everybody is busy and everybody has to fight traffic to get here. I simply didn't plan to leave early enough. I kept you waiting and I'm sorry." |
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Tip 569: Express regret for the results an inadvertent mistake caused. |
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Recently, we were training three new employees in our office, and I had worked out a complex training schedule for each, marking certain in-house classes they were to attend on a master calendar. Then I dropped a copy of the master calendar in each employee's in-box. On several occasions, when a question arose about when someone was to be out of the office, I reminded the administrative assistant that that information was on the training calendar. "Didn't you get a training schedule?" I asked, to which she answered "yes" each time. On the third such mix-up, we discovered the miscommunication. I was referring to the calendar showing scheduling for training new employees; she was referring to the wall calendar showing training workshops for clients! A classic, inadvertent "mistake." |
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Even though your mistake or misjudgment may have been unintentional, the repercussions for the other person may be just as severe as if the mistake were a direct affront. |
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Even if you could not have foreseen the problem your actions caused, you can express regret for the results: "I changed the meeting room at the last moment to escape the outside noise from the renovation crews. I'm sorry you were unable to find where we had moved and missed the meeting. I never thought of leaving a message with the main receptionist because I didn't know you had planned to attend. You must be frustrated, however, to miss the meeting after driving an hour to get here. I'm sorry we were unable to get the message to you." Such a statement doesn't admit blame, only regret at the situation. |
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Apologies from some people sound more like a demand than anything. "Look, I said I'm sorry. What else do you want?" To be effective, an apology has to be more than an attempt to demand that the other person "forget it" and move on. Some see an apology as a perfunctory line, offered only when they see no other way to get the action moving again. Apologizing means regret over the situation and an intention not to repeat the performance that caused the problem. It's not a demand to "forget it." |
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