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Here are the kind of vague improvements that frustrate people and defy change: "Demonstrate a better attitude." "Do something about the morale around here." "Eliminate these miscommunications between departments." Instead of the vague "goals" alone, describe the "better attitude'' you expect. Describe the "morale" improvement. Name the "miscommunication" you want eliminated. |
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If you can't describe the corrective action or improvement you want, you probably won't get it. |
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Tip 610: Monitor the pace of the conversation. |
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When you're tense in giving your criticism, you tend to talk faster and faster. That rapid speech makes the receiver feel interrogated, lectured at, and run over. As a result, the receiver may sit dumbfounded, overpowered, and unable to respond. When the receiver can't respond, you have no idea whether your message is being receivedif the other person acknowledges awareness of a problem and intends to correct it. |
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So to slow your pace and relax your delivery manner, take deep breaths. Pause frequently. Break eye contact. Fiddle with a prop, such as your glasses, your soft-drink can, or your computer. The idea is to slow yourself down enough to give the other person an opportunity to absorb and respond to what you're saying. |
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Tip 611: Check your response to the receiver's comments. |
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If your words are angry or your demeanor is superior, scowling, condescending, or closed, you will most likely turn off any real communication with others you're criticizing. They will reject you as a person and therefore reject your criticism. The goal is to give criticism in such a way that others respond to it and make a change. An angry, rejecting demeanor shuts down that possibility. Play the part of coach rather than cop. |
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Tip 612: Summarize key points and actions for correction. |
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If the discussion has been lengthy, help the person attach the right importance to everything that has been said. The receiver may have overreacted to parts of your message and missed other key points altogether. It's helpful to recap at the end and outline the steps of action: "So we've discussed the problems we have in the lab when the power goes off without warning, the |
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