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Tip 619: Think twice before you invite criticism by habit or attitude. |
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Few people go through life with such tough skin that they don't care whether others approve or disapprove. Not that they live their life with others' approval as a guiding force, but most mentally healthy people notice and care when others are displeased with their behavior. There are several surefire ways to invite criticism on the job and at home: being unprepared, being poorly organized, failing to do what you promised, putting other people down, running over the rights of others, always demanding your own way, being confrontational in tone or manner, failing to be clear about your expectations of others, being inconsistent, asking for others' opinions and then always ignoring that advice, doing sloppy work, disregarding or being oblivious to what is going on around you, disregarding the social or work norms in behavior, speech, or dress. People unaware of any of these expectations or averse to them may as well get used to criticism. They're asking for it. They either have to change that behavior or decide that criticism will be a fact of their lives and learn to shrug it off. |
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Tip 620: Determine if the criticism is intended to be constructive or destructive. |
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You can often tell if a person intends to destroy you with a comment or intends just to bring about some change. Pay attention to the word choice, the emotion, the body language, and the specifics of the comments. |
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Did the person say you were always late or call you lazy? Did the criticizer sound as though he or she had planned the comments in a logical and thoughtful way, or did the criticizer just blurt them out in an emotional rage? Did the body language show control or simply anger? Did the criticizer back up what he or she said with specific descriptions of your behavior and have specific corrections in mind, or seem foggy about what changes you were supposed to make? |
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What could be the criticizer's agenda? To score points at your expense? To build or protect his or her own self-esteem? To impress onlookers? To vent anger at you because he or she is afraid to show anger at the person causing the trouble? To hurt you? |
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Finally, ask yourself about the subject of the criticism? Are the comments about your personality, lifestyle, or appearance an attempt to control you or make you feel guilty? Or, is the subject about a mistake, something regarding a problem to solve? |
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The answers to these questions will tell you whether the criticizer's primary intention is to hurt you or to improve a situation. If you're still in |
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