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an opposing view and honestly deciding whether you might agree with some of it or whether you are even more convinced you're right. In other words, don't go after a win as if you're playing tennis. Look at the difference as an opportunity either to confirm your own thinking or to change it. |
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Tip 56: Dig for the bigger problem beneath arguments about trivialities. |
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A buyer says to the sales rep, "I thought you told me you'd call Wednesday morning?" |
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"Yes, I did. But the management meeting lasted all the way to noon. I hope the hour's delay didn't inconvenience you." |
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"Yes, it did. I've already placed my order with another firm." |
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You can be sure the problem was bigger than this one hour's delay. |
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A secretary says to the boss, "Do you or do you not want coffee inside the conference room?" |
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"Just put it outside the door so we can get to it at breaks." |
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"Well, last time you wanted it inside the room." |
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"Yes, but we've got a different purpose and group for this meeting." |
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"I've got sugar, not Sweet-n-Low." |
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"Please buy artificial sweetener, like I told you." |
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"I'll have to go to the store myself; the cafeteria here is out." |
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You can be sure the difficulty is over something larger than the coffee details for the meeting. |
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The person who seems to be "unreasonable" or "difficult" is usually hurt on a deeper level. The trivial argument is just a symptom. |
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Tip 57: Be firm, but not inflexible. |
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You want to be firm enough that people don't consider you wishy-washy in your opinions and goals. You want to state opinions convincingly and forcefully so that you can influence others if that happens to be your goal. But you don't want to be so goal-driven that you seem to disregard what others say or feel. Your topic, your timing, and your temperament all indicate the appropriate firmness and flexibility to display in any given situation. |
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Tip 58: Adopt a problem-solving orientation when presenting a problem. |
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Before going to a customer with a problem . . . or to a boss with a mistake . . . or to a spouse or friend with a disappointment, spend some time working on |
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