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Tip 52: Substitute And statements for But statements. |
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The "but" statement negates the first part of your sentence. The hearer ignores the first part and focuses on what comes after the "but." |
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But statement: "I respect your work, but I don't agree with this new idea." |
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And statement: "I respect your work. And I have reservations about this new idea." |
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But statement: "I hear what you're saying, but I don't agree." |
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And statement: "I hear what you're saying. And I have a different view." |
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But statement: "I understand your point, but you're missing mine." |
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And statement: "I understand your point, and I'd like you to understand mine." |
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But statement: "You're dependable, but you're impulsive." |
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And statement: "You're dependable. And you're also impulsive." |
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Tip 53: Respond rather than react. |
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Reacting to comments or a situation implies a knee-jerk, uncontrolled response without thought to the implications or results. Responding to someone's comments or a specific situation means a deliberate, thoughtful response that leads to the result you intend. |
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Tip 54: Distinguish between defending ideas and being defensive. |
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Defending ideas shows commitment and analytical forethought. Defending your position to others in such a way as to convince them to come around to your view is almost always appropriate, as long as you are straightforward in your words and even-tempered in your tone. |
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Being defensive, on the other hand, puts people in a negative light. The defensive person steps into the arena of emotion, responding with excuses and fears. Moving away from logic, a defensive person moves away from credibility with listeners. |
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Tip 55: Don't make arguing an "Ego Trip." |
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When you attach ego to disagreement, you typically stop listening and start planning your counterattack. You often miss what the other person is really saying; "winning the argument" becomes your mission rather than hearing |
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