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decide it was because of bad film, poor lighting, or the wrong kind of camera. The lead-in to most of these projections is "yeah, but . . ." Listen to kids; they're experts at "yeah, but he/she/they . . ." |
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Tip 628: Avoid superficial acceptance. |
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Some people toss aside criticism with little real thought about change or prevention. They verbally agree, but continue with the action or pattern with no thought for change: "Sorry 'bout that!" "Uh oh. I blew it." "Can't win 'em all." "Better luck next time." "If that's the biggest mistake of my life, I'll be sainted some day.'' Such a pop-off may get others off their back for the moment, but it doesn't resolve a recurring problem. |
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Tip 629: Don't pretend it's "No Big Deal." |
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Do you remember back in high school when a friend didn't win the student council election? Her response may have been, "It doesn't matter. I really don't think I would have had time to do all the committee stuff anyway." Avoiding hurt by pretending indifference allows someone to save face, but it doesn't change the criticism or the situation that evoked it. Withdrawal or passive acceptance can become a habit-forming response to all of life. |
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Tip 630: Don't go home and yell at the dog. |
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Psychologists call this reaction "displacement." That is, you're angry with a customer who says you're not servicing her account properly and threatens to take her business elsewhere. Instead of dealing with the problem, you go home and yell at your spouse, your kids, or your neighbors to vent your frustration. |
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Tip 631: Guard against overreaction on your sore spots. |
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Be honest with yourself about your own hot buttons. If you're always late and you know you're always late and you hate being late, chances are that when somebody criticizes you for being late, you're going to overreact. You're going to fly into a rage, yell, scream, deny, or counteract by accusing them of something else. Why? Because they pinched a sore spotsomething you yourself don't like about your behavior or attitude. Part of the expressed rage is rage at yourself. Instead, breathe deeply, wait for control, |
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