|
|
|
|
|
|
|
control the timing and the privacy. And unlike the feeling of punishment when as children we were called to the principal's office, there's something about familiar surroundings that gives you a sense of control and dignity. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tip 624: Stifle an immediate denial. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Denial as adults is just as normal as that of children in these chants: "You did." "I did not." "Yes, you did." "No, I didn't." "Did too.'' "Did not." When someone levels a criticism, stifle the urge to close the person down with such responses as: "You don't know what you're talking about" or "You're wrong and I don't want to talk about it any more" or "That's none of your business" or "You're just jealous." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tip 625: Squelch the urge to counterattack. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
This response is probably the most natural. When the criticizer offers comments on your behavior, you return the favor. Criticism: "This manual was done much too hurriedly. You've left out some of the most important procedures." Counterattack: "Well, you're not such a polished writer yourself. That memo you sent out last week confused the heck out of everybody." When the pattern is to "top" the criticizer, the original issue gets blurred in the process. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tip 626: Stifle the urge to rationalize. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rationalizing is using a perfectly logical excuse for your actionsbut not the real reason. For example, someone criticizes you for being late to client meetings downtown. You know you lose time by sleeping later than you should, but you claim it's the heavy traffic and unexpected accidents on the freeway that prevent your on-time arrival. Such rationalizing is usually acceptable to the other person, but untrue. Rationalizing becomes a habitand never solves a problem. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tip 627: Don't project the blame onto someone or something else. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Here's how such projections go: If you write a weak report, you claim it was the fault of the manager who didn't give you enough information. If you smudge up the printing job, you claim it was because of an antiquated printing press that "goes haywire." If you take poor photographs, you |
|
|
|
|
|