Many criticisms are subjective opinions: "You don't respond enthusiastically when your team's ideas are accepted for an award. What's the matteraren't you a team player?" Or: "You don't seem motivated to improve. You don't take any initiative for your own self-development." Those are subjective statements. Only you know if they're true.
If others are unable to offer convincing evidence of their position, don't feel compelled to take their assessment as gospel truth. Even if they're in a position of authority, that position does not give them a corner on absolute truth about your motivations or attitudes. Some things are not observable or measurable by others. Don't let attempts to label those feelings or motivations devastate you.
Tip 635: Separate opinions from descriptions.
Opinions about what you're doing are subjective; descriptions are factual comments about what you said or did. When someone gives you opinions, ask for details as support to determine if their opinions are accurate. If someone says you're "lazy" or that you "don't care about your job," or that you ''have a bad attitude," then you need to know specific actions and behavior that create such an impression. Ask for examples. If necessary, guess what the person is referring to and ask for confirmation.
Example of criticism: "You never follow instructions. Sometimes I wonder where your mind is. You seem out to lunch half the time. Preoccupied. What's bothering you?"
Ask for specifics. "What instructions are you referring to? On which projects have I not followed instructions? Which instructions did I not follow?"
Offer specifics and ask for confirmation. "Are you talking about the travel arrangements for the last two conventions?"
Ask for more elaboration of any kind. "Do you think we could have found a cheaper fare? Is that your concern? Do you notice specific situations where you think I'm more or less capable of following your instructions? Do you think we have more confusion when the task is a hurried one? Or, do you mean even on daily projects?"
With specifics, you can correct someone's assumptions about those situations or change those actions. But it's next to impossible to respond appropriately to a subjective opinion without collecting the person's supporting detail.
