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Tip 636: Listen to someone's criticism without interruption. |
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If you interrupt someone at the first negative comment or during the first comment you disagree with, the exchange quickly escalates into a full-blown argument. Instead, let the other person finish completely what he or she intends to say. Then ask questions, collect details about opinion statements, and finally present your own interpretation of the facts or your own position. |
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Tip 637: Consider the source. |
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After you've taken the first step of identifying others' intentionsare they destructive or constructive?then consider the source of the criticism in more detail: Is this person qualified to judge your action, attitude, performance? Does he have the appropriate academic or job training, the experience in similar situations, and the opportunity to compare your actions with those of others? Is she basing her comments on an isolated incident, or has she observed you over a long period of time? This assessment should tell you how much faith to put in the comments. |
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When the source of the criticism is vague, probe further. People who don't like confrontation often couch their own comments in claims such as, "I've heard others say that . . ." or "Rumors around here are that . . ." or "People are upset because . . ." Probe for the true source of such comments: ''It would be helpful to know how much credence I can put in that comment. Exactly who is saying that?" "I could figure out the basis of that feedback if I knew where those comments were coming from." "Without knowing who has actually said what specifically, I can't really take any corrective action. I need specifics." When the source is identified, then you can evaluate the comment appropriately. |
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Tip 638: Consider the emotional climate. |
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When others criticize you, evaluate the sincerity and validity of their comments by gauging their emotional setting at the moment. Are they angry at someone else? Are they afraid of the consequences of a particular action? Are they upset because of a missed deadline? Do they fear they'll look bad because of your action? If any of the extra pressures are part of the climate, let others cool off and handle the immediate situation before taking their criticism at face value. Bring up the issue again when they've calmed down and reassess their comments to see if those comments are less severe. |
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