Tip 653: Know your own motives for offering advice or feedback.
People like to give advice and feedback for any number of reasons: to bolster their own egos; to show off their knowledge or wisdom; to control others; to "prove" something; to "get back at" other people who won't have their privileged advice; to help; to lessen another's pain or learning curve; or to show empathy and support.
Some of these reasons are praiseworthy; others are not. Knowing your own motivations helps you "cap the flow" when tempted to spew off advice too frequently.
Tip 654: Don't sneak advice into informational statements.
Why isn't advice always welcome? It often makes others feel wrong, dumb, or inadequate, and thus defensive.
Advice: "I think you should go ahead and start the meeting."
Information: "It's twenty past seven."
Advice: "Don't you realize that if you're going to get a summer intern in your department, you'll have to put in a request by February?"
Information: "Most summer interns are placed by February."
Advice: "I'd think twice before asking Gerald to head that campaign."
Information: "Gerald headed our campaign three years ago, and he resigned right in the middle of it without even giving us an explanation."
Other harmless forms of advice creep into our conversations when we may think we're actually comforting someone. We make comments like: "Just take it easy and relax. There's no reason to worry." Although the intention is noble, the result can be that the friend thinks you're not taking his or her situation seriously. If such impromptu advice drips from your lips, try to catch yourself in midsentence and retract.
Tip 655: Nudge people to ask for advice, but be willing to wait.
You may edge into advice if you see that the other person has a real problem or difficulty: "I noticed that the phone call from your boss upset you. Do you
