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Tip 658: Stifle the urge to give premature feedback or advice. |
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If you fail to listen to all the information before you plunge into your advice, you're in danger of cutting off vital informationto you and the other person. When others reach into their psyches or souls to access and pass on information, they reflect on what they're saying. That reflection itself can be helpful in leading them to their own answers. Don't stifle it by jumping straight to "the answer" to their dilemma. |
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Tip 659: Continue to test the water as you go along. |
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If you first offer feedback that makes the other person defensive, wade no further. Let the other person give you more information about the situation. Then stick your toe in to test again: "Is what I'm saying helpful?" "Does any of this make sense to you?" "Is this line of questioning keeping us on target?" "Let me know if I'm off base in my reasoning here.'' You don't want to plunge into the rapids and leave your friend standing on the beach. |
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Tip 660: Ask for clarification on comments you don't understand. |
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You don't want to give the impression of judging the other person. However, before you stimulate his or her thinking, you have to understand the situation. If you don't see the cause, the logic, or the meaning of something, ask in a nonthreatening tone: "Explain to me again why you think that . . ." "I don't understand what X has to do with Y." "Help me understand the difference between option 1 and option 3." "I think I'm missing something here. Larry said X and then you said Y. That seems to be a contradiction." |
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Tip 661: Feel free to offer the opposing view. |
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If people want only agreement and affirmation of what they intend to do or what they believe, oblige them. If, on the other hand, you think they sincerely want advice, feel free to give an honest opinionwith tact, of course: "That alternative just doesn't seem to stand up." "It doesn't feel right to me." "I'm afraid I don't see it that way." "I think you ought to reconsider one more time." |
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