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Tip 735: Don't lose your composure. |
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When you get emotionally upset, you lose respect, trust, logic, and momentum. That's costly. |
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Tip 736: When someone makes a threat, don't respond at all. |
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In the typical situation, threats elicit counterthreats. Then both parties lose because they begin moving into extreme positions and change the dynamics to "every person out to crush the competitor." To avoid this danger, don't respond to emotional outbursts or threats at all. Simply hear them, pause, or call for the other person to continue to elaborate. The point is to let that person spend his emotion and come back to a more reasonable position. When you counter the threat, solutions begin to disintegrate and the compromise position fades. The danger: You will either win bigor lose all. |
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Tip 737: Treat silence as goldenor yellow or amber. |
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As an accessory to negotiations, silence changes colors as you need it. Silence is golden when you use it for reflection to avoid popping off without forethought. On other occasions, it may be yellow or amber; it may be taken as agreement or disagreement. When you don't want to commit yourself, simply listen and think about what the other person is saying. |
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Tip 738: Don't let silence intimidate you. |
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Because many people grow uncomfortable with silence, they talk . . . and talk . . . and talk. The more the other people remain silent in a discussion, the more uncomfortable they feel. As they feel more uncomfortable, they fear something has gone wrong in the discussion so they begin to offer concessions. "Well, you know, I guess I really could afford to let you . . . " or "Frankly, I'm willing to . . ." |
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If others simply sit silently rather than react to what you say, sit silently with them. Don't begin promising the moon just because they seem to have lost interest in discussing a matter. |
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Tip 739: If you're at wit's end, ask the other person how to overcome his or her own objection. |
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If the other person has refused to accept any of your concessions or alternatives, put the monkey on his back. "Okay, I've run out of ideas. How do you |
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