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Page 268 been closer than the other person's to an equitable arrangement at the beginning of the discussion. Tip 733: Leave the other person room to back down and save face. Many a discussion has been lost when both parties wanted the same thing. Manager Karen states that she has given careful consideration to restructuring the business and has decided to transfer Matthew to Chicago. Matthew responds angrily, saying that under no conditions will he transfer to Chicago and threatens to leave the company if forced to do so. He may then follow up his emotional outburst with logical reasons about why it would be in the interest of the company not to force him to transfer. Karen may agree with his reasoning and wish she could change her mind. But she won't. Why? She'll be embarrassed that her earlier decision seems now to have been a poor one. Or a worse loss of face, she'll fear a flip-flop on the decision would lead Matthew to believe none of her decisions is final. Both may want to forget about the transfer, but Matthew's attempt to push her in the corner and make her feel that he is one up by threatening a resignation will keep him from getting what he wants. If you want people to concede a point, you've got to give them room to change their minds without embarrassment. Tip 734: Avoid an adversarial tone of voice and word choice. Which of the following two people would you prefer to work with? Person A Person B I want $30,000 up front. I need $30,000 up front. You'll need to come up with . . . Could you come up with . . .? This is what we want. . . . What could you say to . . .? That shouldn't be a problem. Will X be a problem? The logical solution is . . . Does that make sense to you? You'll have to . . . We'd appreciate it if you'd . . . Take it or leave it. . . . I'm afraid that's as high as I can go. Your position is ridiculous. I know my position may sound extreme, but here's my situation. . . . That offer is an insult. That's not what I had in mind. You're crazy. Possibly I have been unclear about why . . . You should know better than something like that. I don't think I agree. Attitude may be the wedge that drives people apart.
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