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Some people habitually let anything that flows through their mind roll out their mouth. Others insult and offend with more forethought. Whichever the case, having an appropriate deflecting wit can shield us from some of the pain. But what happens when wit won't turn off the flow with those in the workplace? Try some of the following techniques for insulating yourself from the hurt or humiliation. |
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Tip 823: Avoid people who exhibit a "Put-Down" demeanor and manner. |
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A former professor acquaintance of mine has an air about him that causes people to slink away from him at cocktail parties as though they'd been slapped. Joe wears an amused grin, a slightly raised eyebrow, and a bored expression. Correspondingly, he uses a put-down tone when he speaks, offers silence when a response is expected, and gets sarcastic when straightforwardness would be appropriate. He sits on a condescending perch when equality would more accurately describe his relationship to those around him. In short, Joe's not a warm guy. If at all possible, minimize your contact with those people who put others down by both their demeanor and manner. |
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Tip 824: Pinpoint others' motivations for a put-down. |
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Some people have grown up in such a hostile environment that they don't recognize their irritable, hostile disposition. Their background was chock-full of daily fights: "Get out of the bathroom, will you?" "Turn down that TV, you idiot!" "Even someone as dim-witted as you should be able to add." This hostility and the resulting self-protective thinking follow them into adulthood. |
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Others put people down because they're miserable and want everybody else to join them in their sad state. We even have a saying about them: misery loves company. |
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Some people pounce on traits or weaknesses in those around them because they're aware of the same weaknesses in their own performance or life. For example, they hate disorganization in themselves, so they notice and gripe when they see it in other people. Still others put people down in an effort to build up their own egos. |
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If you can make a game of guessing the motivation behind those who habitually insult you, you may be able to take their barbs with less difficulty. |
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Tip 825: Identify put-downs meant as a test of ego-strength. |
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Some people make disparaging remarks in the workplace as a test of their coworker's ability to "take it." If the other person can top the put-down, or |
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