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at least laugh at the one hurled at him, he passes the test. The coworker's ability to laugh at his own expense conveys a healthy self-esteem. So others respect him also. |
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With these people, you lose if you play the part of victim. If others observe that verbal barbs offered in "good-natured" fun ruffle your feathers, they smell blood. They begin to see you as a victim. And victims soon fall prey to others' attacks. At best, the victim just gets dropped out of the game. People ignore victims. If you're new to the group, identify yourself with players rather than with victims. If you want to pass the newcomer test and be admitted to the club, demonstrate that you're able to laugh at your own foibles. |
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Tip 826: Buy thinking time when insulted. |
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For lessons, watch old TV westerns: The insulted cowboy slowly glances up from the card table, plays his ace, then slowly pushes away from his comrades and strolls up to the bar where the bad guy who insulted him sits. The move could take a good thirty seconds. |
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You can take a big breath and a long glance to buy a few seconds. Playing with props is always good for another five secondstaking off or putting on your glasses, finishing your drink, turning off or on the computer, restacking your paperwork and pushing it aside. Just a few seconds is all you need to double-check the words, the tone, and the intention, and choose how you want to respond. |
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Tip 827: Ignore "Baiting" comments. |
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Recognize them for what they are and refuse to play the game. With a look or a matter-of-fact tone, state that you are aware of the baiting game: "I won't stoop to responding in kind." "I don't get involved in shouting matches." "Your outbursts will not change my decision." "That's your opinion.'' "You're entitled to your feelings." "That may be your perception." "We certainly don't agree. But then that's not a must, thank goodness." "That was a barb for sure." "Don't you ever tire of that?" "I really don't have time to get into it with you." "I have my view, and you have yours." "Those are the facts as you see them, I guess." "You must be having a bad day." "Hmmm." Whatever you do, don't bite. You are "letting them get away with it" only when you succumb to letting other people make you lose control. When you don't bite, they don't "get away with it." |
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Tip 828: Tell the other person the "insult tactic" doesn't work with you. |
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When you think someone is yelling, cursing, or otherwise abusing you simply to get you to change your mind about something, say so. "Jeff, yelling and |
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