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Rather than pass off some glib cliché as your own opinion, reconsider its truth in light of each new situation. |
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Tip 84: When you're listening, have a penchant for details; When speaking, take your cue from the listener and your purpose. |
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If you're the listener, consider yourself the leader. After hearing the big-picture message, sift through the detail to see if it really supports the conclusion you just heard. Look for nuances of meanings, gaps in logic, and further application in other tasks or situations. On the other hand, if you're the speaker, let the listener lead. Give as much or as little detail as the listener's interest and your purpose dictate. No more and no less. |
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Tip 85: Differentiate between showing deference and being patronizing. |
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The difference is one of attitude and choice. People show deference when they consciously choose not to embarrass someone, when they keep quiet so as not to offend someone, or when they respond with respect because of someone's position or age. The attitude that others hear through the words shows respect, acceptance, and graciousness. |
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A patronizing attitude, on the other hand, comes through in facial expressions, sighs, knowing winks, or direct comments that "excuse" the other person: "Of course, operators, we don't expect you to be able to understand the inner workings of these machines. We'll worry about a failure should that occur." The attitude that shows through the words or gesture is patient tolerance and superiority. |
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Tip 86: Avoid false courtesy. |
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"Do you mind if I speak up?" "May I say something?" "If you'll allow me to state an opinion . . ." ''If you're open to suggestions, I think . . ." "Not that my opinion is worth much to you, but . . ." Such phrasing has nothing to do with courtesy; it's thinly masked hostility. |
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Tip 87: Get people's attention first if you really want them to hear you. |
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Conversation is common. If you want people really to pay attention to what you're saying, you have to rise above the norm. Here are four options: |
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