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Once it becomes a habit to step on others' statements, it's hard to help yourself. And some people are not so gracious as to let you get away with it. If you catch yourself frequently interrupting people, get someone to help you with the annoying habit. Ask that person to signal you with a raised hand or the sliced-throat gesture to make you aware when you cut them or other people off. |
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Tip 90: Signal the other person when you receive a message. |
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On occasion, the most hurtful response is no responseparticularly when the other person has shared deep feelings. At home, probably more often than at work, we are tempted to "sit tight" on a message and not acknowledge that we heard. |
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WIFE: I think we should take a four-day weekend soon. |
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HUSBAND: (Silence.) |
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WIFE: It has been six months since we've been away together. |
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HUSBAND: (Silence.) |
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WIFE: What do you think? |
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HUSBAND: Okay, okay, okay. I'll check my calendar tomorrow. What do you expect me to do about it tonight? |
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The husband doesn't realize that he escalated the conversation simply because he gave no acknowledgment that he heard the first comment. Acknowledge another person's comment to you and you'll be surprised how the "nagging" from a boss or spouse stops. |
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Tip 91: Avoid playing tour guide through your own conversation. |
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This habit surfaces after each statement: "Am I not right?" "Correct?" "You follow me?'' "You understand?" "Okay?" "With me?" "Clear to this point?" Such hand-holding comments lend an air of false patience with a slow learner. |
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Tip 92: Give glib reassurance sparingly. |
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"Don't worry, it'll turn around for you." "You win some, you lose some." "Aw, they'll come aroundgive it a week or two." In effect, a comment such |
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