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as "We'll work it out later" often means "I don't want to get into that discussion, so let's change the subject" or "I've got problems of my own right now and don't have time for yours." Such comments cut people off from feeling understood. |
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If they felt it necessary to pass on the problem or concern, they'd like the chance to go into the details. It's not that they're necessarily looking for a solution; they may simply want to feel that someone appreciates the difficulties they're facing. They may need moral support that doesn't come through thoughtless clichés. Such support comes from having someone understand the circumstances. |
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Tip 93: Develop your memory. Those who forget what others tell them make people angry. |
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Yes, you can blame some forgetfulness on age. As we grow older, we need more memory cues; but most of us forget because we don't make an effort to remember. We tell ourselves things like, "I'm not good at remembering names" or "I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but I never forget a face." These attitudes are nothing more than permission to ourselves to forget. |
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Practice remembering things by forcing yourself to note details and then recalling them later, just for the heck of it. Memorize axioms, quotations, number sequences, or instructions to exercise your memory muscles. Use mnemonic devices such as repetition, rhymes, acronyms, acrostics, or chain-linking as an aid. I make up sentences out of such cues and recite the sentence until I manage to find a scrap of paper on which to dump the information. My best ideas come when I'm listening to self-help audios while exercising. |
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Why do we remember some things and not others? Because of the relative value we attach to the information. For example, if someone throws you a "lead" (someone you should call who might be interested in buying your product), you'll remember the namedollar signs are attached. When you receive certain information, you immediately have to attach some importance to it so that you advance that data to long-term memory. Otherwise, you'll throw it out with the rest of the memory trash in a matter of moments. Simply be more conscious about what you want to retain as you take it into your head. |
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Do, however, continue to dump your memory trash daily. There's no use cluttering your memory with things you can record somewhere and retrieve at will from paper or the computer. And once you get to paper, record things; people who have good memories never trust them. But because they've attached a value, forced the information into long-term memory, and have taken the extra step to write something down, their memories take over and they rarely have to refer to the written record again. |
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