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down their story. On the other hand, if you doubt that someone is telling the truth, show no signs of skepticism. Your demeanor and accepting attitude will entice him or her to continue until the statements become so out-landish as to be obviously a lie. |
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Tip 169: Don't hide behind "They Didn't Ask Me Not To." |
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Shared confidences are trusts. When people don't have the good sense to know that something should be held in confidence even when they were not specifically asked to do so, others question their judgment. Good judgment about such issues generally reflects good character. |
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Tip 170: Be authoritative if you want control. |
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Your manner, appearance, speech, writingall should work in tandem. Don't tell us what you're going to try to do, do it. Don't stand to the side looking contemplative; command space. Be sure; act the part. |
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The most famous experimental studies on the subject of obedience to authority were those conducted by Stanley Milgram, who used a "shock generator" with a panel of 30 switches supposedly controlling electrical shocks from 15 to 450 volts. The volunteers were taken into a room and told they were part of an experiment on teaching learners. Each time a learner, strapped in a chair in the next room, gave a wrong answer, the volunteer was supposed to administer a shock. With each "learner error," the volunteer was supposed to increase the voltage. No matter the screaming and the pleading of the "learners'' next door, the volunteer was asked to continue the shocks. The idea was to see how long these volunteers would continue to administer what they thought were painful shocks when told to do so by the authority figurea doctor in lab coat in charge of "scientific research." |
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The results? Although physically free to leave the room and quit the experiment, fully 65 percent of the volunteers were obedient to the end, giving screaming "learners" the maximum of 450 volts. Such is the power of our ingrained social pressure to obey authority. |
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If you act like an authority figure, people generally comply. |
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Tip 171: Sound logical if you want to deliver powerful messages. |
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Make sure your message includes analytical statements, that your points are organized, that you use transitions from point to point, that you have a goal for meaningful conversation. When your words sound like you know where |
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