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Tip 192: Recognize that intimacy breeds distance. |
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When you don't know someone well, you feel freer to state your opinion; you're not so concerned about hurting the relationship if you disagree. The possible consequence or loss doesn't threaten you. But as you spend more time together and intimacy develops, you discover "sore spots"things you can't talk about. Why? Because you've come to value the relationship and you fear if you open your mouth to disagree and offend that person, you'll damage the relationship. Intimacy means you have more to lose. That's why the pendulum continually swings from intimacy to distance back to intimacy. Expect and accept that cycle. |
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Tip 193: Select the implicit or explicit channel with care. |
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Have you ever heard anybody say, usually with pride, "I'm just the kind of person who says what's on my mind." Get out of the way. Yes, that person may be honest, but brutally honest, leaving wounded people in his or her path. A leader this person will never become. What is proper and acceptable, we say explicitly. What might offend, we imply. Why? Because we're civilized. People matter. |
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