|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tip 190: Change your physical environment to promote the interaction you want. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Notice the difference in how you interact with a doctor as you get shuffled around his or her office, from bed to X-ray lab to the comfy desk-and-chair conference room. Notice the difference in speaking manner and audience reaction to a speaker behind a lectern as opposed to the same speaker in the aisles. Buyers and sellers take on different postures and purposes, depending on whether they're sitting across a desk or sitting on a sofa in the lobby. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Use this environment-body-mind link to promote the interaction you want: As boss, if you want to decrease your status to be "one of the gang," sit down rather than stand up to speak. If you want to encourage interaction among the office staff, change the traffic patterns in your large open space. Literally build the interaction you want. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tip 191: Measure your relationship with others by the kind of conversation they share with you. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
On the shallowest level, people share clichés: "The project's going a little slowly. I've seen better days." "Hang in there." "There's always the weekend." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
On the next level, people care enough to share meaningful facts: "We have to keep the project under 500 dollars." "Jim said he was going to hire three engineers before fourth quarter if we won the Hyatt contract." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
On a more intimate level, people begin to feel free to share opinions and judgments: "If Jim hires those three engineers, I still don't think it will mean we can finish the project on timeI think we're in trouble on this contract" or "I think you're going about this in the most expensive way. I think you have a short-term view of the whole issue and that it's going to make Lucille angry. That's dangerous." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
On the most intimate level, people share feelings: "I'm discouraged with trying to set up a health-care plan that suits everybody. Frankly, I wish I'd never accepted this leadership position. All I'm getting from peers is animosity, and all I'm getting from my family is anger about my weekend work." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
If you want to gauge the progress of a relationship from the other person's point of view, listen to what he or she is willing to tell you: clichés and perfunctory remarks? facts? opinions and judgments? personal feelings? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
As the relationship grows, you'll notice these verbal cues along the way: You'll begin to use "I," "you," "we," and "us" more often. You'll develop a verbal shorthand between youinside jokes and references to your history together. You'll notice you've been collecting commonalities: shared assumptions, expectations, values. You begin to "interpret'' for each other. "So what you're really saying is you wanna dump the project?" If you want the relationship to grow, all these verbal clues become welcome signs. |
|
|
|
|
|