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come in handy when you least expect it. When it comes to small talk, know when to jiggle it, spend it, or save it. |
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Tip 194: Work at building rapport. |
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All small talk is not the same. With some people, you walk away having killed a few moments. With others, you feel a real connection and a desire to get to know them better. What's the difference? The effort one or both of you have made at rapport-building. What helps make the connection? Calling the other person by name several times during the conversation, mentioning other things you have in commonmutual acquaintances, places you've lived or visited, experiences you've shared, career or personal goals, showing interest in that person's views or pastimes, matching the other person's delivery style, voice volume and tone, emotion, and body language as you talk. |
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Basically, people like and feel a kinship with others who like them, appreciate them, enjoy the same things they do, and are helpful to them. Time and attention make the connection that lasts. |
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Tip 195: Know when small talk is appropriate. |
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When you're thinking of lapsing into small talk, be sensitive to the other person's mood and circumstances. On an airplane, when your seatmate is obviously preoccupied, leave him or her alone. Neither would you try to engage someone in small talk when the person is dashing down the hallway to make a meeting. On other occasions, small talk is inappropriate because of the person involved. If the CEO has unexpectedly called you in for "a little chat," this is not the time to take the lead. Let him or her dictate the topic and pace with which you get down to business. The same is true with customers. Develop a sixth sense about those who appreciate small talk and those who don't. |
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Tip 196: Accept the fact that some people don't want to make contact at all. |
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Some people fear contact with others, even in a brief way. They see small talk not as an opportunity for rapport-building but as an infringement and inconvenience. A salesman waiting for other registrants at a seminar asked an older guest nearby if he knew of a good Italian restaurant. The older guest turned away without answering. The salesman repeated the question louder, and the older guest again turned back to the conversation with his wife. |
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