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fortable not doing so. Instead, develop some gracious or witty deflectors: "I don't like to discuss that sort of thing on Tuesday evenings. Or Wednesday mornings. Or Saturday nights." "The only people I give that information to are my doctor and my analyst." "Even my hairdresser doesn't know for sure." Or be straightforward enough to suggest they withdraw the question: "Why would you ask that?" or "Why do you need that information?'' or "I'm sorry, but that's personal with me." |
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Tip 248: Signal before you're offended. |
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If you have strong feelings about a particular subject, let the group know before they offend you and embarrass themselves. For example: "I've gotta warn youI've got some pretty radical opinions about that. We'd better steer clear of that issue" or "I'm getting a little uneasy with this topic. I'm on that project team, you know." Others will appreciate the warning. |
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Tip 249: Consider your options when listening to a person with "Fixed" ideas. |
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You can always remain silent to avoid a debate. If, however, you're bursting at the seams to have someone hear the opposing viewpoint, walk across a neutral zone before you try to speak. Don't begin with "yes, but's . . . , which sets up a debating tone for what is to follow. Instead try "You've made some very good points. I have a different view for other reasons. From my perspective . . ." or "I don't think I've ever heard anyone express that view exactly. My own thoughts on the subject are quite different. I feel that . . ." "I think I understand what you're saying. I feel differently. I believe . . ." |
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Tip 250: Be noncommittal if you want to avoid debate. |
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After someone voices an opposing view, after someone makes a slur you don't want to be associated with, or after the topic moves to one you'd rather not discuss, try the most appropriate of these comments: "Other people, I'm sure, feel just as you do." "The workplace keeps you on your toesthat's for sure." "Life's full of surprises." "You've got a point." "You think so?" "Yes, I've heard people say that." "Hmmm." "Well, . . . we've about exhausted that subject." "Mind if I change the subject for a moment. I've been wanting to ask you about . . ." |
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