|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Now that you are divorcing, things have changed. For many men, this life change means a move to another residence and the encroaching realization that you will not be seeing the kids as often as before. Perhaps you now realize that you might have been taking your kids for granted; the thought of leaving them may well be painfulfar more painful than the split from your spouse. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Many women, on the other hand, are struck with the sudden realization that they must manage alone. An at-home mother may now be going back to work. The hours and days they devoted to their children will now be spent at some office while a baby-sitter fills in at home. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Before you make these changes, of course, you and your spouse must, if at all possible, put your differences aside to talk about how you will divide your responsibilities and arrange for the custody of your children. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Custody: You Once Took It for Granted, But Now You Must Negotiate |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
At first, the very concept of negotiating custody may seem alien. While you were all a family unit, you both had custodythough you probably never thought of it that way. You were just your children's parents, nothing more, nothing less. Together you decided where they went to school, what religion they practiced, and whether they would go through the ritual of braces or attend camp. It was natural in your familyas in most intact familiesfor you and your spouse to discuss these things and come to an agreement about what was best. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Once you and your spouse no longer live under the same roof, things will change. Now you will have to decide how these decisions are made. Will one parent have the final say? What role will the other parentthe one no longer living with the children most of the timeassume? Will one parent feel overburdened with responsibility or restricted in making decisions that are, after all, best made by the person actually living with the children? (For the parent who might be doing most of the child rearing, the thought of getting approval from an ex before taking a child for psychological or academic help, for instance, can be frustrating, indeed.) Will the other parent, meanwhile, feel cut off from his or her children, painfully disenfranchised from their lives? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You must ask yourselves these questions up front. If you can put your personal animosity aside for the moment, you might be able to arrive at a practical, workable custody arrangement together. If you can't, court battlessometimes lasting until your children are finally emancipatedcan ensue. |
|
|
|
|
|