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(table continued from previous page) |
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| Task | Mother | Father | | 13. Attends more school events | _____ | _____ | | 14. Disciplines children | _____ | _____ | | 15. Is called by children when they awaken during the night | _____ | _____ | | 16. Children seek comfort from whom? | _____ | _____ | | 17. Arranges playtime with friends | _____ | _____ | | Adapted from Baris MA and Garrity CB: Children of Divorce: A Developmental Approach to Residence and Visitation. Psytec; DeKalb, IL; 1988. |
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Mothers Who Choose to Forego Custody |
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Our society, rife with double standards, puts women in a bind when it comes to family. Women fought to be able to earn as much as men for the same work and to be able to have child care paid by their companies so that they might work. Some gains have been made for women in their quest for equal economic status with men. Many women who enjoyed interesting careers before they had children decide to spend more timeor full timewith their children when they finally start their families. Others need or want to continue their careers. But, if their marriages break down, custody is less likely to automatically go to the mother because both parents are working. Even if the mother tries to better herself by going to school and putting her child in day care, she might lose custody of her children, as happened in a recent highly publicized case in Michigan. This mother, a college student, lost custody of her child when a judge decided the father's home was more stable because he lived with his parents; the child would have Grandma during the day, as opposed to day care. Fortunately for the mom, the Michigan Supreme Court overturned the judgement on appeal. |
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Of course, a mother may choose a career or an alternative lifestyle over remaining with her children as the custodial parent. Society is invariably shocked when mothers relinquish this natural attachment. Yet for some, it is the best choice. |
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Sometimes it's difficult for very young peoplemale or femaleto handle the over-whelming burden of parenting young children alone as they work to earn a living. Some women, for the sake of their own personal growth, need the time and space that primary custody would simply preclude. A woman who is frustrated about her own life will not be as effective a mother as a woman who is fulfilled. Deciding to relinquish much of the daily child care responsibilities will benefit the children if they have a happy, self-assured mother and a father who can fulfill the primary nurturing role. |
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