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When Should You Tell Your Children? |
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As soon as you and your spouse have made the decision to separate, it's time to tell your children. Telling your children sooner rather than later will ensure that they don't hear the news from another source or overhear you talking to someone about this disturbing news. Deception can promote fantasies about what is really going on, fears of abandonment, wonder about whether they will ever see their departing parent again, and a lack of understanding of the new realities they are about to face. If your children suspect information is being held back, a breach of trust might develop, becoming difficult, if not impossible, to repair. |
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How and What Should You Tell Your Children? |
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Setting the stage for open, honest communication with your children is your most important job. Ideally, both parents should be present when your children are told. Presenting a united front will help your kids by easing their fears of abandonment and will reduce a loyalty conflict: It's all Mom's fault; Dad is the innocent victim. |
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If you have more than one child, gather them together for a family meeting to break the news. Let the children know that both of you are available to talk to each of them individually or together again after the meeting. Having all the children together will give each child support from his or her siblings. Be prepared for an avalanche of questions regarding the logistics of the divorce, custody, and visitation. Even money may be of concern to the children. |
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The Family Meeting: What to Say. |
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As always, your aim is to be open and honest with your children. That doesn't mean you have to go into all the gory details, but children who are told nothing about the reasons for their parents' divorce are unnecessarily frustrated and have a more difficult time working things through. |
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