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For the purpose of telling your children, set aside your anger. Blaming one parent will only cause confusion. Because your children are emotionally attached to the other parent, they will feel conflicting loyalty. Not only will your child feel torn between his parents, but eventually, may react against you to defend his relationship with the other parent. |
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When 12-year-old Michelle was told by her mother that her Dad had moved out after a final blow-up the night before, Michelle was devastated. Her mother was so angry at her Dad that she blamed him for all the ills of her marriage: She had to do all the housework, even though she worked; he would come home late at night; they never went out because he was too cheap; and other complaints. At first, Michelle was sympathetic to her mother and understood her unhappiness. She felt angry at her Dad for not being more considerate of her mother's feelings. But after a week had passed, Michelle started to feel guilty for having bad thoughts about her father. She missed him. She began to wonder if her mother had told her the whole truth and even started developing feelings of resentment toward her mother; had her mother, she wondered, been instrumental in driving her father out of the house? The more her mother spoke against her father, the more difficult it was for Michelle to sustain a warm relationship with her mother. |
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Helping Children Deal with Grief, Anger, and Rejection |
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No matter how correctly you explain things to your children, they will still experience a range of emotions including disbelief, fear, anger, rejection, and grief. The only thing worse for parents than seeing their children suffer is to be the cause of that suffering. And parents in the throes of divorce often find themselves in that situation. |
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As a parent, you are no doubt familiar with the difficult job of comforting your child during sickness, injury, insults by classmates, lost friendships or betrayals by friends, or embarrassing moments in class. It is impossible to shield your children from all the hurt |
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