|
|
|
|
|
|
|
that life brings. However, the breakup of a family and possibly the loss of one parent is surely one of the toughest hurdles for any child to overcome. This moment and the next year or two will test your emotional strength and your parenting skills to the limit. You think you're not up to the task? You are. You have no choice. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
That doesn't mean you have to go it alone. Friends, family, psychologists, teachers, ministers and rabbis, your lawyer, and books are all there to help you manage this transition. Use whatever resources you need to acquire the knowledge and support necessary to help your children get through the initial shock, adjust to the changes about to begin, and adapt to their new way of living. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dealing with Your Children's Fears |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Children of divorce are usually most fearful of abandonment and loss of parental love. It is crucial, therefore, that you take every opportunity to reassure your children that their parents love them and will always be there for them. According to psychologist Mitchell Baris, Ph.D., what differentiates a parent-child relationship from any other kind of relationship is loyalty. Mom will always be Mom, and Dad will always be Dad, and nobody else will ever replace them. Even if the parents remarry, even if they'll be living in two houses, or even if one parent will be living far away, Dad will always be Dad, and Mom will always be Mom. Let them know (assuming that one parent is not actually abandoning the family), that they will have a continuing relationship with both parentseven if, for the moment, you wish you would never see your spouse again! (If you have trouble saying things that you know are in the children's best interests but that stick in your throat, try viewing your spouse as their parent rather than your archenemy. Put yourself in their shoes just for now.) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Children are likely to blame one or both parents for the divorce. Sometimesand of more concernchildren blame themselves. Reassure your children repeatedly that the separation has nothing to do with them. Assure them that, while parents can divorce each other, they cannot divorce their childrennor would they ever want to. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Your children may not evidence or express anger until after the shock of the announcement has worn off. Anger, if not constructively channeled, can become destructive or self-destructive. Hidden feelings can fester and manifest in ways that seem unconnected to the separation. |
|
|
|
|
|
