The following are 16 steps for reducing parental conflict:
1. Communicate only when necessary.
2. Keep a mental image of your spouse as your children's parent.
3. Think of your parenting relationship as a business relationship.
4. Don't get hooked into old patterns of fighting or being goaded into a nasty retort.
5. Use clear and simple language without taking a judgmental or accusatory stance.
6. Make the conversation as brief as possible.
7. End any communication that looks as if it might escalate into a shouting match.
8. When face-to-face with your ex-spouse during your children's transition from one home to the other, bury your feelings and exchange polite greetings. Keep it short.
9. Don't discuss arrangements or other business with your ex-spouse during transitions.
10. Turn the other cheek to any sarcastic or accusatory comments. Excuse yourself as quickly and politely as possible.
11. Don't exchange checks and money in front of your children.
12. Don't use children as messengers or delivery people.
13. Have a positive attitude.
14. Don't discuss anything with your spouse about the divorce at the exchange, including schedule changes.
15. Give a hug and a kiss good-bye to your children; wish them a good time.
16. Smile. A happy parent makes for secure children.
If Your Children Refuse to Go.
In some cases, children will refuse to leave to be with the noncustodial parent. There are several reasons why this may happen:
1. A parent is not tuned into the children's interests or is not actively involved with the children during their time together.
2. Your children may be very young and anxious about separation from the parent who does the majority of caretaking.
