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separation anxiety. The noncustodial parent's recognition of this and willingness to work with the custodial parent to ease his or her children's anxiety will go a long way toward building trust and bonding with that parent. Insensitivity on the part of the noncustodial parent, on the other hand, can result in continual resistance to seeing him (or her) and the eventual failure of that children-parent relationship. |
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When a Parent Becomes the Target of a Smear Campaign |
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If you think your ex has begun to wage a campaign against you, suggest that your children see a mental health professional to aid their adjustment to visitation. If your ex refuses to seek help, you might be justified in seeing your attorney to request that the court mandate a mental health intervention. The problem is complex. This situation calls for psychological help for the entire family. |
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If you are the custodial parent in a heavily litigated case and your children refuse to visit their other parent, make sure that you are not bad-mouthing your ex-spouse in front of your children or sending them negative messages. If you want what's best for your children, you must put aside your feelings toward your ex-spouse and encourage your children to develop or maintain a relationship with their other parent. If your children lose their other parent, their self-esteem will take a nose-dive, and they'll suffer feelings of abandonmenteven if it now seems that they don't want to be with that parent. |
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Rebecca's parents separated because her father was seeing another woman. Rebecca was eight years old when her father moved out. Her mother was in shock. When the shock wore off, her mother was filled with rage. She did not hide her feelings from Rebecca. Instead, she told Rebecca that her father couldn't be trusted and that he was insensitive and even cruel. |
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Rebecca couldn't bear to see her mother so distressed. She aligned herself with her mother against her father. Even though she had been close to her father before the divorce, her angry feelings prevented her from relating to him. She didn't even want to see him. |
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