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Rebecca's father accused her mother of brainwashing Rebecca against him. He went to court to try to gain custody. The litigation was heated and drawn out. Rebecca suffered terribly from the fighting and the insecurity of not knowing where she would be living. She continued to refuse to see her father. |
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Eventually, her father, who lost the custody battle, became less and less interested in fighting Rebecca's rejections of him. He and his girlfriend married and started a family of their own. As far as Rebecca was concerned, he found it easiest to just drift away. |
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What could Rebecca's father have done in this situation instead of giving up? For one thing, he might have realized that despite her current feelings, Rebecca needed his involvement to have healthy and happy relationships as an adult. Given this realization, he might have stayed around for the long haul. He could have been careful to let Rebecca know the door was always open for her. For instance, he might have continued to send regular post cards or letters, even if Rebecca did not respond. If she was like most children in this situation, she would have asked to see him againin her own time. |
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If You Are Concerned About Abuse |
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If your children seem fearful or refuse to visit the other parent on a regular basis, you might have a genuine concern about safety and even abuse. If this is the case, speak to your lawyer and a mental health professional before making any accusations to your ex-spouse. |
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The courts have been inundated with child abuse charges in divorce cases. The judges are leery of the parent who makes such charges if there is no hard evidence. False allegations can even result in a change of custody. |
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On the other hand, if your children are victims of abuse, there must be immediate intervention, generally in the form of supervised visitation. Despite the fact that judges frown on the accuser, statistics reveal about half of abuse charges turn out to be true. |
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If you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, you are. So make certain that you have grounds for your belief before you make any accusations against your ex-spouse. |
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The Least You Need to Know |
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Perpetually changing environments is difficult for everyone (except maybe for Road Warriors!). Children who switch households regularlydifferent place, different people, different rulescarry a heavy burden. It takes time for them to adjust. |
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Prepare your children well in advance of leaving your residence. |
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