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To help your children handle the different rules and styles in each home: |
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Don't expect your ex-spouse to maintain your rules in his or her home. Explain to your children that every home or public place has its own rules. Those rules may differ from one place to the other, but they still must be respected. If they go to Grandma's house, they might not be allowed to put their shoes on the couch. At your house, on the other hand, your sofa has so many stains it doesn't matter. |
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Don't expect your ex-spouse to carry out the punishment you administered two days before your kids left to be with him or her. Maybe the kids were throwing balls in the house and your favorite glass lamp broke. They broke your household rule about not throwing balls in the house. You told them no candy, cookies, or ice cream for a week. Now, they're at Dad's. Dad should not be expected to dock them from sweets. When they are back with you, your punishment can continue. |
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Bedtimes that maintain the children's schedules are important for their health. If you are the noncustodial parent, this is the one area that, if at all possible, you should try to honor across households. It's one thing to have different expectations for behavior and another thing to force the body into different sleep patterns. |
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Television time can also be treated differently at each home. The amount of time your kids spend in front of the TV should be decided by each parent for their own home. Don't fall prey to the kids pleading Mom lets us watch three shows a night! If you want to spend time with your kids, by all means, turn off the tube! |
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Stepparents Have Feelings, Too! |
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Judy, a 48-year-old social worker who had never been married, was introduced to Arthur, a 55-year-old divorced man who was the owner of a clothing manufacturing company. He had two adult childrenAlice, 22, and Michael, 25. Arthur was still very close to his children even though they were grown. His children enjoyed their time with their father. They would see him every other weekend for dinner and enjoy summer vacations with him at his lake house. |
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Judy and Arthur were getting along very well and quickly became serious about their relationship. Alice sensed this, and began to develop resentful feelings towards Judy for the attention Judy was getting from her father. Alice became clingy, for a 22-year-old. She asked her father if she could stay in his apartment on some weekends. It was hard for Arthur to say No. After a few months, Arthur asked Judy to move in with him. She agreed. |
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