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Godmother then helped Cinderella's stepmother make a list of things Cinderella had to do to get her things back. Cinderella had to complete the entire list to go to the Prince's ball. Cinderella agreed, and, as she completed the list of chores, including her book report for school, she felt better and better until she felt so good about herself she stopped crying. She accomplished all her tasks, and, as promised, the Fairy Godmother restored all her beautiful things so she could go to the ball. To make a long story short, she ended up with the Prince. |
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The moral for stepparents: Don't go to the other extreme. Your stepchildren will, just like all children, reap more benefits from gaining self-esteem through their own accomplishments. |
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Shifting Sands: When Rules and Expectations Differ From One Home to the Next |
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When you and your spouse were living together with your children, you each might have had your own parenting styles. You might have run your household like a tight ship. Every meal had to be at the same time. Each child had to be responsible for cleaning up his space. Hands had to be washed before each meal. Teeth had to be brushed after every meal. Bedtime was the same time every night. Your spouse, on the other hand, might have been more laid back. When you weren't around, meals could be whenever someone was hungry. Neatness was not especially important. Who cares if you're dirty? It's okay to fall asleep in front of the TV. |
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The children adapted to their parents' temperament and parenting styles and knew what to expect from each. When the whole family was together, one or the other parent would tend to dominate. Or maybe this was one of the areas of contention that led to your divorce. Whatever the situation, now that you and your spouse have separate homes, each parent has the opportunity to run the ship any way he or she wants. |
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Your children will still be familiar with your respective parenting styles, but going from hot water to cold where discipline is concerned adds to the problem of adjusting to commuting from one home to the other. If you and your ex-spouse are not antagonistic, children will adapt and know what to expect. If you and your ex-spouse complain about each other's parenting style, on the other hand, your children will be caught in the middle of the conflict. |
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