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Our friend, Michelle, was in so much emotional turmoil following her divorce that, after hurriedly finding a new apartment, she rented a U-haul truck and asked a friend to help her load her things in a couple of hours one afternoon when she knew her spouse would be gone. |
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She grabbed her clothes and jewelry and some of the dishes, but she left the furnitureand numerous other possessionsbehind. When the shock finally wore off, the items left behind included her Beatles albums and a valuable antique dresser she had bought before her marriage when a local hotel went bust. She did muster the courage to call her ex to inquire about these belongings, but his reply was curt: The Beatles albums are mine; always were, he said. As for the chest, if you want it, have your lawyer contact mine. Indeed, she had never even thought to mention the albums in her settlement agreement. As for the chest, she knew it was legally hers, but she was loathe to carry the old battles of this disastrous marriage into the here and now. |
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Michelle relinquished these cherished belongings. But she needn't have; all she had to do was pack them up in the first place, before she left. |
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We know that someone suffering the pain of a broken marriage may give little thought to packing a record collection or an antique rocker. All he or she wants to do is leave. But take it from us and the dozens of people we have spoken with: You will live to regret these losses. Do pack up all that is of personal value and bring it with you. |
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Hopefully, items belonging to you will be denoted, in black-and-white, in a settlement agreement. But if you're just too heartsick to pack everything before moving day, recruit a friend to help with the job. Even if you've hired a team of movers, make sure that you are not the only one directing the operation. Do seek support from a caring friend who can say, Isn't this beautiful painting yours? or Are you forgetting the breakfront? It belonged to your grandmother, right? |
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The Art of Divesting: The Value of Leaving Things Behind |
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When Nina married Whitney, she'd been swept away by his worldliness, his erudition, his impressive knowledge of everything from psychoanalytic literature to gold bullion to art. Older than Nina by two decades, in fact, Whitney had spent his twenties and thirties |
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