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Both confided that the new furnishings gave them a liftand the felling that they were moving toward personal growth instead of wallowing in an experience that had, frankly, failed. |
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Rites of Passage: When New Rituals Enrich Your New Life |
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In your new home, surrounded by your new possessions, you will, slowly but surely, let go of the past. One of the best techniques, experts have found, is to develop rituals and traditions of your own. |
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If you always celebrated Christmas with your spouse's family, this year visit your cousins from Omaha or your folks in Des Moines. If you habitually woke up to morning coffee and the paper, now may be your chance to start the day with a ritualand healthyjog. |
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One way of inventing new customs for your new, single life is through travel. If you and your spouse made a habit of skiing in Vail each winter, this year take a cruise. If your habit was Memorial Day at Martha's Vineyard, this year try Disney World. Establish your own rituals and customs through your travel so that these events are markedly different from vacations you've had before. We have one friend who always wanted to visit Hawaii, but his spouse, who loathed beach vacations, simply refused. After the divorce, however, our friend was able to see the islands, and for him, that was at least one bright spotand something he sustained as a mental image as his life went on. |
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Finally, remember that establishing new rituals for your new home may be especially meaningful to the children. Sunday breakfast at MacDonald's or the old-fashioned neighborhood coffee shop for instance, may become an important part of weekends with Dad. Making glass bead jewelry or sand art to sell at the local craft fair, on the other hand, may become something the children learn to do only with Mom. They will carry the memories of these family customs forward as they move into adulthood, and the knowledge that their parents have been able to move forward constructively will serve them well. |
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Unless you have left your spouse for a new relationship, you will, after the papers have been signed, find yourself alone. Of course, whether married or single, we all drift in and out of loneliness. The newly divorced, however, are particularly prey to such feelings, and the sooner they learn to tolerate and transcend them, the better off they'll be. |
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How does one learn such transcendence? According to psychologist Mitchell Baris, by reframing the context in which the emotion is viewed. Instead of telling yourself, Now |
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