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or 21. Still, in a certain sense, you have been given another chance to live through those young adult years, at least in spirit, and make better choices than you did before. Don't blow the opportunity to make good with these choices. Take the time. |
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Focusing In: Loving Again |
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So, you've spent about six months reestablishing your sense of self and another three months doing lunch with a series of prospects. Now, about a year after your divorce, you have met a person who really interests you. You are ready to focus in. |
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Our friend, Kevin, a dermatologist, had been dating three women at once after his divorce. (We still can't figure out how he had the time.) But about two years after the papers were signed, on a cruise to Alaska, he met the woman of his dreams. Liz, an anthropologist, entertained him endlessly with discussion of ancient or isolated cultures, current film, and the Internet. Back home, in Boulder, she took him on walks through the wilderness and listened to his fervent hopes and dreams. In fact, though Kevin had gone to medical school, as his father desired, his true love was fiction. With Liz's encouragement, he cut his work schedule to four days a week and began writing. |
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Needless to say, Kevin didn't need any prodding to eliminate the three casual relationships he had sustained since the early days of his divorce. He moved in with Liz and after a couple of years married again. |
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Kevin was lucky. The time he spent engaged in casual dating was all the time he needed. As soon as he was ready for a more permanent commitment, one came his way. |
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Sometimes, however, the period of experimental dating can last for years. It's not always that simple, after all, to meet someone with whom we connect. Especially after we have been hurt in a marriage, it's not always easy to trust or fall in love. |
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Multiple dating, like that done by our doctor friend, Kevin, is not the norm after the first year of divorce. Instead, people looking for new commitments tend to have serial relationships, each one a stab at something more permanent. If one relationship doesn't work, people just move on. |
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